come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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