Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
