Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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