i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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