The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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