Don't you send me to vm
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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