So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
