he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
