at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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