Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
