I am in a vortex of obligation.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
