My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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