I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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