she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
