so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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