walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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