I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
