Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
