i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
please come you make the beer taste better
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
