Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize