No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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