I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
