you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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