Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
