Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
