Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
