I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
