Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
