I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
