I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
