I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
