Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
