I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
