She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
