she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
