I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
