I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
