So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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