what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
