I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
