Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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