I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
