Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
be right there i have to get my cape
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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