just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
