I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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