Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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