Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
