A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just forgot I was standing up.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
