You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
