Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
