So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
