I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
