I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
