So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
