"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
