They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
