I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I love having hate sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
