I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
