We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
