I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
