come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
