So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
