check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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