Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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