just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
