its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
