im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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