i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
