Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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