Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
