I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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