I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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