OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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