your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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