We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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