dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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