It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
