we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
