this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
