i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
