I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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