Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
