Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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