I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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