this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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