Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
