Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
