when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
