i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
