he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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