420 ftw
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
