can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
