call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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